Types of Abusive Men

I think that knowing how to recognize the types of the abusive men and their core characteristics is helpful in not getting too involved in an abusive relationship. There are many signs that you can look for in the beginning of a relationship if you think the man you are getting involved with might be abusive. Abusive men come in all different packages. Which makes sense, since intimate partner violence is the most common violence in the United States and effects people across all walks of life-  the young, the old, the poor, the rich, black, white, brown, heterosexual, homosexual, the educated, the non-educated, people with children, and people without. In chapter 4 of Lundy Bankcroft’s book  Why does he do that?, he discusses the categories in which most abusive men that he has worked with fall into. These types are: (1) The demand man, (2) Mr. right, (3) the water torturer, (4) the drill sergeant, (5) Mr. sensitive, (6) the player, (7) rambo, (8) the victim, (9) the terrorist, and (10) the mentally ill or addicted abuser.

Each of these types of abusive men have characteristics that distinguish them as abusive. Some of these are: (1)I am above criticism, your opinions aren’t worth listening to carefully or taking seriously, (2) As long as I’ calm, you can’t call anything I do abusive, (3) no matter how cruel,(4) I need to control your every move or you will do it wrong, (5) nothing in the world is more important than your feelings, (6) if you could meet my sexual needs, I wouldn’t have to turn to other women, (7) you are a thing that belongs to me, akin to a trophy, (8) I’ve had it so hard that I’ not responsible for my actions, (9) Seeing you terrified is exciting and satisfying, and (10) I a not responsible for your actions because of my psychological or substance problems.

Here are some useful websites, journal articles, videos, and poems that discuss the types of abusive men more in depth:

Website about domestic violence: http://www.tellinitlikeitis.net/2008/02/inside-the-minds-of-angry-controlling-and-abusive-men.html

Website about domestic violence: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

A Scholarly Journal: Male Partner Abusers’ Perceptions of Family Relationship Functioning: A comparison of Clinically Derived Abuser Types. By: David M. Lawson. From: Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma; 2008, Vol. 17 Issue 1, p59-79.

A link to a video explaining different abusive relationship types: http://www.ehow.com/video_4986341_different-types-abusive-relationships.html

And lastly, a poem about the characteristics of one abusive man:

You took advantage of me and my vunerability,

But still I love you.

You took my kindness for weakness,

And made me believe I need this,

But still I love you.

You denied my child,

Even when God sent her back to the clouds,

But still I love you.

You made me cry a river with tears that overflowed,

And you said you never loved me,

But you already know that I still love you.

You made me cry every night

But still I love you.

You made my self esteem go down,

While you were out sleeping around,

But still I love you.

I still let you back in the door,

Even when you call me a whore.

I played your stupid game,

And let you call me out my name.

I gave you all my money,

And love that’s sweeter than honey.

But you still manage to break my heart,

I should have known from the very start.

I was together but you tore me apart,

And for some damn reason I still love you.

*From the website: http://allpoetry.com/poem/2398629


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